for women who are difficult to love

you are a horse running alone
and he tries to tame you
compares you to an impossible highway
to a burning house
says you are blinding him
that he could never leave you
forget you
want anything but you
you dizzy him, you are unbearable
every woman before or after you
is doused in your name
you fill his mouth
his teeth ache with memory of taste
his body just a long shadow seeking yours
but you are always too intense
frightening in the way you want him
unashamed and sacrificial
he tells you that no man can live up to the one who
lives in your head
and you tried to change didn’t you?
closed your mouth more
tried to be softer
prettier
less volatile, less awake
but even when sleeping you could feel
him travelling away from you in his dreams
so what did you want to do love
split his head open?
you can’t make homes out of human beings
someone should have already told you that
and if he wants to leave
then let him leave
you are terrifying
and strange and beautiful
something not everyone knows how to love.

I’m obsessed with your hair, I was wondering what was your process to get to the blonde? I remember when you had the highlights and I was just wondering how you started that process, because I love when you had all the highlights and lowlights. If you don’t mind sharing.. :-)  — eternallyvee

for the most part it was “highlighted”. the very first process my stylist did a test to see how strong my hair is. i remember her checking it &saying, “oh yeah, let’s do this!” we went all in. she took my base down to about a level 7 with a combination of level 9 and level 11 lowlights and highlights. we were looking to achieve this babe’s color through a natural look. she did a mass amount of tiny highlights. this is what it basically turned out to be. i then did the whole platinum side thing and eventually started to go darker &somehow ended up where i am now through a massive bleaching… each time i went to see my stylist, we were able to go a little lighter by root touch up, adding more highlights and toning. i have been blonde for some time now… you must remember that. so don’t feel as though you’re going to be a bright blonde the first time around. i have been many different shades of blonde, hence why i think it’s time for a switch up. too many gals have started to walk around with dirty roots &platinum strands :]

dela-lolita asked: I’ve never looked up to anyone the way I look up to you&bri. You too are amazing women. I’m going through a really scary stressful time at the moment and all I can seem to think about is how am I going to accomplish all that I want to accomplish now with a child. I’m only 20 and it seems I have all the time in the world but I feel because I have a baby on the way I dont have time anymore. Did you ever feel discouraged about chasin your dreams and if so how did you manage to pull through?

wow, what an amazing thing to say. first &foremost, thank you. i have definitely felt discouraged about the road taken… especially as of lately. you give so much without an instant reward. not only that but i am getting older. you are about to obtain something that almost every woman wants. because of the road i chose to take, things such as a family of my own have been placed last. there are definitely ways to obtain it all, it just takes some patience &faith. certain situations are placed within our lives for a reason and i am a huge believer of predestined outcomes. the road may constantly change but in the end you will end up exactly where you’re supposed to. God bless you and your new family.

I have a creative vision that I am about to begin and I wanted some advice. How did you get started on this journey that you’re on, creatively speaking? What led you to LA? — lifeloveangels 

creatively? my craft. my business partner &i took a leap of faith after our clothing line saw some shine. “here goes nothing” attitude.

Anonymous asked: what do you think about sex on the first date?

know your worth, protect yourself and don’t make it a habit.

Anonymous asked: did U get into becoming a producer? did u go to school for that??

it started out as being something necessary as the opportunity came. i definitely didn’t go to school for it.

deeeelasoul asked: ! I’m following you on twitter and I’m so glad I found your tumblr, I really look up to the way you handle business and stay motivated to what you love! I Love that about you!!!! 

thank you :]

you are gorgeous — julianbasedonyourgod

you are kind.

Anonymous asked you: favorite lipstick?

can’t say that i have one actually. my go to “i’m going out lipstick” is usually MAC’s “Hollywood Nights” from their Heatherette collection.

sincerelyame asked you: when will you weekend warriors website be back up and running? its been down for so long!! :(

soon! :]

Fan Mail - Dope Status said: What’s your instagram?

desidollas

defineliz asked you: Hi I saw your post on mixed chicks and was wondering when did you start using it and hoe it works for you. I have REALLY curly hair and i think i have a lot of heat damage too and was considering using mixed chicks but I wanted to make sure I was going to get my moneys worth

i’m not exactly sure when i started to use it. it has probably been over a year or two. to me, it’s well worth the money. at times i switch products so that my hair doesn’t get used to my normal routine. if you have a lot of heat damage, it’s best to stop putting heat onto your hair as well as deep conditioning twice a week.

Anonymous asked you: How do you deal with people saying hurtful comments about you?

i can’t say that i pay them any mind if they are said.

Anonymous asked you: i am thinking about moving across the country and i just wanted to ask if you were scared to move from the bay to LA. I know LA isn’t that far from home for you but still. were you afraid that things wouldn’t work out?

not at all. my faith is strong and i know that my life has already been mapped out. it’s just a matter of walking the path. i wish you success.

(d-sv)

“young people, Lord. do they still call it infatuation? that magic ax that chops away the world in one blow, leaving only the couple standing there trembling? whatever they call it, it leaps over anything, takes the biggest chair, the largest slice, rules the ground wherever it walks, from a mansion to a swamp, and its selfishness is its beauty. before i was reduced to singsong, i saw all kinds of mating. most are two-night stands trying to last a season. some, the riptide ones, claim exclusive right to the real name, even though everybody drowns in its wake. people with no imagination feed it with sex—the clown of love. they don’t know the real kinds, the better kinds, where losses are cut and everybody benefits. it takes a certain intelligence to love like that—softly, without props. But the world is such a showpiece, maybe that’s why folks try to outdo it, put everything they feel onstage just to prove they can think up things too: handsome scary things like fights to the death, adultery, setting sheets afire. they fail, of course. the world outdoes them every time. while they are busy showing off, digging other people’s graves, hanging themselves on a cross, running wild in the streets, cherries are quietly turning from greed to red, oysters are suffering pearls, and children are catching rain in their mouths expecting the drops to be cold but they’re not; they are warm and smell like pineapple before they get heavier and heavier, so heavy and fast they can’t be caught one at a time. poor swimmers head for shore while strong ones wait for lightning’s silver veins. bottle-green clouds sweep in, pushing the rain inland where palm trees pretend to be shocked by the wind. women scatter shielding their hair and men bend low holding the women’s shoulders against their chests. i run too, finally. i say finally because i do like a good storm. i would be one of those people in the weather channel leaning into the wind while lawmen shout in megaphones: ‘get moving!” 

— toni morrison

there is a loneliness in this world so great 
that you can see it in the slow movement of 
the hands of a clock. 

people so tired 
mutilated 
either by love or no love. 

people just are not good to each other 
one on one. 

the rich are not good to the rich 
the poor are not good to the poor. 

we are afraid. 

our educational system tells us 
that we can all be 
big-ass winners. 

it hasn’t told us 
about the gutters 
or the suicides. 

or the terror of one person 
aching in one place 
alone 

untouched 
unspoken to 

watering a plant.

- charles bukowski

i sleep with my phone on loud &refuse to even go to the bathroom without it being near me. i haven’t slept in weeks; by 5 pm i’m exhausted &am ready to shut the world out. as always, i’m expected to carry on with business, take care of others and smile through the day. 

please take the time to read and quite possibly donate. as the hours go by, things develop &i become more hopeful. i’ve never been through anything like this and it’s ripping me to shreds.

amazingly enough, we find ways to complain about the things that don’t really matter. this right now… this. this has consumed me. soon we shall have him back.